I’m Doing the Best That I Can

Dear Mom,

I know it’s hard for you to care for me with all of my extra challenges. But I hope you know, that I’m doing the best that I can. I don’t mean to be bad, to hit or throw things. I’m just desperately trying to get my needs met, and I don’t have many other ways to communicate besides my actions. I wish you knew how hard it is to have mobility challenges and speech delays, and a body that doesn’t cooperate when you need it to. And what it’s like to be 100% dependent on someone else to know, without adequate words, how I feel, what I want, if I’m in pain, or why I’m frustrated. How difficult it is to want to talk, but be unable to make the words come out no matter how hard I try. To have a brain that doesn’t process as fast, ears that don’t hear as well, or a body desperate for sleep and utterly exhausted yet just can’t seem to ever rest. I know you’re tired. I am too.

Please remember that I need you. That no one likes to fail. Or to mess their pants. Or not be able to help themselves. Or to be in trouble all the time for things they can’t control. I am little. I am learning. My brain and body aren’t like yours, though I wish they were. I can’t always do what you need me to do, and that’s hard on me too.

I need you to be patient with me. I need you to listen for the things I can’t say. To understand that my behavior isn’t spiteful or meant to hurt, but is the only way that I have to say that I’m overwhelmed or I’m exhausted or I’m in pain. I need you to see the best in me, the perfection amidst the imperfections, and the light trying so hard to shine.

I know that this isn’t easy. Day in and day out the challenges are real and exhausting. I feel that too. I feel worn down by the relentless daily struggle to do even the simplest of tasks. But the hardest thing for me, is to know that I may have disappointed you, or that I’m not who you want me to be. Try to remember that even with all the frustrations of dealing with these extra challenges, that it’s even harder for me to be the cause of them. I want to be good. I want you to be proud of me. Please don’t ever give up on me because of my struggles.

Thank you for all of your sacrifices to care for me. To help me succeed. To be the voice that I don’t have. To ease my pain. You have taught me to never give up, and you are my hero. I know how much you love me. And I wish I had the words to tell you how much I love you too. Dear Mom, I hope you know, that I’m doing the best that I can. ©

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