I’m Not Sorry

Mother's_Love

Sometimes when I tell people that my son has Down syndrome, they reply by saying they’re sorry. The next time you’re tempted to tell someone who has a child with special needs that “You’re sorry,” don’t. It may come from a place of caring. It may be well intended. But what you just said is that you’re sorry my son is the way he is. And I’m not sorry at all. He is exactly who he is supposed to be. I’m not sorry he was born, I’m not sorry he is a part of our family, I’m not sorry that Down syndrome has helped shape him into the most beautiful and loving little boy possible, even though the rest of the world will never fully appreciate or understand. But I appreciate his perfection, and I understand how beautiful he is. And I am grateful every day that I have the honor and privilege of being his mother. I live daily in the company of an angel. So please. Don’t ever be sorry. ©

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13 thoughts on “I’m Not Sorry

  1. Thank you for this. On the contrary, we are blessed to have such an amazing and wonderful son. He was put on this earth to teach people. As parents, we’ve learned so much from our angel. He is a loving little boy with a personality to match. We are eternally grateful for such a gift from God.

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  2. My husband told our Pastor that our daughter was diagnosed with Down syndrome. His response was in a low, sad voice was “I’m sorry.” My husband replied in a kind voice, “Don’t be, we’re not.” and I love him for those words! I was surprised by the Pastor having a child with special needs himself, his child was deaf. I wish he would have quoted a bible verse:

    1 Corinthians 13:4-8, ESV “Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
    1 Corinthians 13:13, ESV “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

    Psalms 127:3 “Children are a gift from the Lord they are a reward from him.”

    “For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
    I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
    Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
    My frame was not hidden from you,
    when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
    Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
    in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.”

    I love that God creates all life purposefully and that life begins in the womb

    Agape (uh-gah-pay)
    Most of the times the word “love” is used in the bible, this word is what is used in the bible, this word is what is used in the Greek: sexual love, friendship, or family love. Agape, unlike those other three, is not a feeling. It means doing what is best for someone despite your feelings for them. This is the only unconditional love. If you are a parent of a child with special needs you completely understand agape love!

    These are a few verses I wished our Pastor would have shared with my husband and I!

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  3. Your words are a beautiful expression of what all of us parents with angels who happen to have Down syndrome would say. Thank u for that, it was amazing to hear someone say exactly what I have thought when people told me they were sorry also. Much love

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  4. Very well written and so true. When my son was born and diagnosed, I was only worries people would feel sorry for us and say they are sorry, some have and I have set each one straight. I am not sorry. He is the biggest blessing in my lif . He has taught me so much in just the 21 months he has been here. I am looking forward to seeing what he does with his amazing gifts.

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  5. The first time I told many people that my son was born Roth Down Syndrome, I never received an, “I’m sorry “, but I did get some blank started or looks with confused emotions. I don’t think people really knew how to react or what to say so they just said and food nothing. To tell the truth, I don’t know what I was expecting either. All I know is that the good Lord blessed my Wife, Sons and I with a wonderful addition to our family who happens to have an extra 21st chromosome. I think that makes him THAT much better.

    Regards,

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  6. Just out of curiosity, what would be a better response? Surely not “aren’t you lucky”. My friend had a Down daughter and would not have appreciated hearing those words when she first told me. She said she needed to hear, “Oh I’m sorry” for the first few weeks as it helped her. Nowadays, her daughter being 8, “I’m sorry” would be quite the wrong thing to say. If you write an article like this telling people what not to say, please help us in our ignorance, to say something more appropriate. Especially when hearing that a newborn has Down Syndrome. Thank you.

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  7. Never ever feel sorry to have my handsome son with down syndrome he us the one who encourage me to rhink every morning to waje up with positative energy and maje me smile 😘😘😘

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  8. So Nice to read your writing. We also have a boy with down syndrome and he is born deaf. We have also met the people who feel sorry for us, or give us “the look”. It just make me smile to them, wanting to lift my boy up high and shout out how proud i am. We are so blessed.
    Love doesnt count chromosomes ❤️

    Love from Norway

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  9. I do admire the writing, but I think it won’t improve much if you do not let others know what you’d like to hear them say instead. Im as a mother of a special child, prefer the truth and some sorry as well. Sure I need to hear encouraging words like “you are doing so well”, but if that is all my friends have to say, it means they actually do not understand the harshness of our situation, life. And maybe don’t even care. So honest feelings shouldn’t be put on a side… some of it will help to find new energy and positive thinking. What would help after saying “I’m sorry” is to offer some kind of help. Anything really!

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  10. I am the mother of a 22 year old beautiful down syndrome daughter. If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they were sorry about her I would be financially rich. I commend you for writing what you wrote. I am not sorry I had a child with Down Syndrome. My daughter has taught me so much. This summer at our community pond, there was a pre-teen girl with her mother or grandmother. They were watching my daughter swim (like a fish I might add), and the little girls mom/grandmom, kept telling her to watch how my daughter swims, and why don’t you go in the water and try to watch her to learn to swim. The girl wasn’t as good of a swimmer as my DS daughter. She is constantly surprising me. For one day this summer, my daughter did something better than a typical girl that day. As for the commenters who are looking for the right words to say when they learn a parent’s child has different challenges than a typical person? How about a simple, congratulations and good luck. How about say what you would say to any other parent with a child. For, we don’t know what a typical child may even grow into. They could become drug addicted, have personality disorders, not be able to function in the workplace for whatever reasons. We all have our weaknesses don’t you think? I am amazed at my daughter. She was also very popular in high school … with her peers, her “typical” high school peers she knew in the halls, and with every single one of her teachers. She still keeps in touch with her past teachers and they go out together for lunch. I don’t know how someone can say they were sorry for this. Thank you for your blog.

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